“You never have to remember what you said,” my father told me. Handy advice. My dad had many neat sayings that were bite sized pieces of advice – some his own and some I’m sure from his parents. He also told me that when people end a sentence with “Honest!” they have just told you a lie. The other thing he warned me about – and I seem to keep forgetting – is that we tend to assume that others live by the same rules of conduct we do. In other words, if we don’t use deceit as a viable means to an end, then we don’t expect others to. And the giant one: if people will lie about the little things then they will definitely lie about the big things!
Why am I sharing this? Because I keep getting slapped upside the head by lies and deceit. Am I a magnet for this? Apparently so. Am I naive? Not quite so much. What am I doing about it? Well, a little bit at a time. My dad also taught me about honour and dignity and noble acts. His word was his bond and all ‘deals’ sealed with a handshake. Hibbie Bull said what he meant and he did what he said he would do. Life was simple. He told me one time that the owner of the company he represented asked him to tell a lie to a customer. He refused to do it and he said to the owner, “And I will tell you why. If I will lie for you I will lie to you. You will never be able to trust me again.”
Me? I have buckets of trust. So much so that I keep pouring it into the hands of those who do not deserve it. Am I stupid? No. I deeply desire to live in a world that is based on trust and accountability. I will continue to act from my highest values. It is the only way that the fabric of human goodness that has been so torn over the past decades can ever be repaired. How do I do that? Well after my recent adventure when I tripped and bruised myself over caveat emptor, Athan, my sweetheart and, sometimes, life interpreter explained it this way:
If I, and others like me, desire to live in a world based on, well let’s keep it simple, the Golden Rule, then we must realize the statistics. We are in the minority. That means if there is 5% of us on the planet living and doing business under these criteria and expectations, then 95% is not. Ergo: the majority of the people and businesses we deal with will be trying to take advantage of us, slipping something under the radar, or plain out lying. The rub is that because this is such a rife practise, it has become the new norm. Lies and deceit are written right into contracts. They are legal – but are they ethical? No, no, no and NO!
The thing my dad forgot to mention, and maybe it didn’t apply so much then, and that was truth does not always out. Often – ‘way too often – the nefarious guys win. They are good at what they do, they prepare for the battle, they have deep pockets – and they have no moral compass – so any means are justified to achieve their end. They set out to deceive in the first place – that was the goal – so they create their modus operandi around that. For instance, they know that human nature is to look up to the left when we remember and down to the right when we lie (or the other way ’round) so they look you straight in the eye. They overcome their basic human nature – on oh so many levels.
My most recent handful?
Rogers arbitrarily cancelled my phone program when my son got his new iPhone. They charged me two thousand dollars over two months. Because it was paid automatically (trust) I now have to fight to get my money back. I have sent a lawyers letter – which if you have seen Avatar is like sending a feathered arrow across the bow of the mother ship.
Bell Canada kept charging me for a business line and Internet for two years after I had cancelled the service and closed my boutique. I had played ping pong on the phone with operators from Halifax to Quebec until I had had enough of dreaming they might have any interest in customer service other than to wear me down until I gave up. I finally wrote to the two vice presidents in charge of each service and copied CRTC. Problem solved.
ADT wrote in the term of my contract – 5 years – after I had signed it. I was in a property with a two year lease. I read that contract before I signed it and know unequivocally that I would not sign a 5 year contract in a two year property. Why would I? It was even ‘written’ in two places. I would have seen it. Could I prove it? Nope. Result – I had to pay. Fortunately two years after the fact the new tenant took on the contract and my obligation was complete.
And contractors? Well, suffice it to say that Mike Holmes has a thriving show because of the code of conduct of building subcontractors. Getting work done is a little like a surviver show. In the past. Let me repeat that. In the past I have made it a speciality to attract the lowest of the low. Even though they were recommended, and didn’t know each other they all more or less had the same scheme. Come in, tear their corner of the house apart and then with all the debris is in the middle of the floor and the ceiling open say, ‘Oh, one thing – I’m not going to be able to finish the job for the price I quoted.’ You can’t even share this grief with your friends because they will invariably have a similar story. When did this get so out of control? I am shamed by my own willingness to pay to make things right – thinking that in the end they would do a good job because they really meant well. Actually they never did mean well. The bottom of the 95 percentile are these characters. The lesson? Check references and go and see work for yourself. Disregard the voice in your head that tells you it is suspicious and not respectful or trusting of others.
My most recent one is very interesting. Just yesterday, I discovered I had dropped into a snake pit. They are many and I am one. They have a reputation for coercion and litigation. Wrongful contracts written by clever lawyers – teeny tiny print. Their way of doing business is to impale clients on automatic contract renewals and then litigate when the client tries to cancel or challenges the contract. My case is more heinous – the details of which I will share in due course. The cases they win are those where the client doesn’t show up for case – in the US. They boast of their client list and clients of that calibre can afford to write off a bad situation rather than send someone to court to play against a stacked deck.
I have two things going against me to choose that action – if it comes to that. One: I do not owe the money. Two: My business motto is Better Business through Conscious Action. I will not perpetuate the wellbeing of a company who uses coercion to prosper. I cannot. If I have to borrow the money I will do so. I may only be one – but I intend to be a very loud ‘one’. Even if I ‘lose’ I will win.
The other thing that Athan told me which I didn’t so much want to hear is that the 5% – once they grasp the lay of the land – must not only be forewarned and protect themselves, but more importantly for the future of this world – we must be prepared to stand up against the 95%. I would prefer to will a beautiful world and let my desires make it so. But to paraphrase Dr. Phil – that’s not working so well for me.
So what do we do when ‘they’ have more power, more lawyers, more money, more tricks? Pick up one tiny stone and aim it very very well. I’m not sure what I will do yet, but once I decide I will put it out to the others of the 5% and gather a following. If you are reading this now, I mean you. What will I ask of you? Just be there as my witness. As Margaret Mead said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
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I FEEL your pain. Having had my own share of rude awakenings I too am frustrated with my seemingly irrepressible desire to think the best of everyone. However, despite my inclination to bestow it, trust has to be earned. It is apparent that the societal moral compass is broken; politicians, business leaders, businesses (and their so called customer service focus), and even religious leaders have proven themselves in general to be untrustworthly. While a card carrying member of the 5%, I believe we need to be wise, understand the world of the 95% and practice healthy due diligence….as one of my first bosses told me when I started out in business “In God we trust, all else we audit.”
Here! Here! All else we audit! It’s tedious at first I think, but worth the gained perspective.
Well said Marilyn! The school of hard knocks is the best school to graduate from. It is the most expensive and most comprehensively practical and wise education you can get anywhere! MIT? Harvard? Oxford? oh that’s only kindergarten! No wonder we are ruled by a bunch of selfish and supremely spoiled and lying (leaders) brats!
In a course, Deepak Chopra commented that most people are emotionally arrested at the stage that got them what they wanted when they were children. Did parents give in with the first request, the wheedling, tears, tantrums, aggression, the threat to hold the breath until they turned blue? Look at our world leaders and apply that reasoning. Spoiled brats for sure.
Emotional coercion is a powerful tool – especially when most of us would avoid confrontation rather than stand up to a red faced bully – especially one holding nuclear warheads – or our life savings!